Pulling a calf and how to save a few bucks

I am not going to get into National Health Care or Obamacare and weather you like it or not but I am going to tell you we have some solutions that are just down right practical when it comes to controlling health care costs.  First off if we would get rid of most of the paper and the politicians who don't know what is going on and give the power back to the doctors I bet we would save a bunch.

Now I don't want to be disrespectful but what we pay for having a baby is out of hand.   You cannot get in and out of the hospital with a healthy baby for less than 10 grand (ten thousand dollars).  On the farm we can deliver a baby for almost nothing with just a few common tools used around the farm.  Let me explain.

First off, if there are no complications you can just sit there and watch and after a few hours you have a baby just pop out.  We didn't even use hot water and the local doctor like in the old western movies.  Second, if there are complications we have some simple solutions, such as:

1.  if the baby is having trouble getting out (this was actually explained several stories back)  you just hook up the fence pullers and just crank that kid out.
2. if the baby is backwards, breach, you wash your hand and arm if possible then reach in and grab the baby by the nose and turn them around
3. if you just cannot get that baby out you perform a c-section on the spot and then sterilize what you can and sew it back up.
4. if the mother has trouble getting rid of the placenta you can try what I did one time and that was tie it to a stick and roll it up as you pull it out and when you are done you have a giant lollipop.  Kinda gross, isn't it?  I remember my dad one time slapped me up the side the head with it just to be funny.  I guess that is where I got my good looks.
5. did I mention that I am talking about cattle or cows having calves?

Now here is another problem that you can go to the doctor for or you can use some of our old fashioned remedies.

1. Gas, have you ever had extreme gas?  Well anytime I drink this new fake sugar stuff I get so much gas that I cannot hardly bend over.  The pain is terrific.  Well let me tell you how we solved this problem.  One time, and there were plenty, I had a steer that was bloated up real bad, that means they had a lot of gas.  With cattle it can actually kill them if you don't do something about it.  Well Dad and I took a water hose and ran it down the throat of that steer, about 4 or 5 foot of hose.  I held the head of the steer while dad ran the hose down its throat and dad was kind enough to stick that hose behind me and under my arm so that the gas coming off that steers stomach was coming right under my nose.  Dad just laughed.  Another time and much more funny was when we were draining gas off of a cows stomach we took a cigarette lighter and lit the gas.  It was like a torch.  Come to think of it one time Steve Chrisco and a bunch of us guys were at my house and it was dark and we were passing gas, in the dark, then lighting it.  What a gas.  Get it
2. One more gas story.  One time we had a cow that was so bloated that we were concerned she would die if not remedied immediately.  So I remember Dad taking a knife and driving it into her side and into her stomach to get the gas out.  It worked and in this case we did have a veterinarian come out to fix her back up.
3. Infection in a cow - we did not need a prescription or a doctor to figure that out.  We just bought some antibiotics and gave her a shot as necessary.  
4. Stomach problems was generally diagnosed as worms so we took these giant pills about 3 inches long and bigger around than your thump and forced down their throat.  

Now I did not mention it but we helped hogs and sheep when having babies as well and we doctored them also.

So what did I learn in the Osage?

• it does not matter if you like it or not, you just do what you have to do
• don't complain about doing things, just get it done
• there are responsibilities for every person and I personally don't want to hear your excuses, get over it, get over yourself, have a great life and make it nice for someone else
• and my last thought which has been a theme for many many years, "give and give until you can give no more and then give some more and you will receive far more than you ever expected, but stop expecting anything"

Thanks for your time,
gary@thepioneerman.com