A potato in your pipe

Now I don't know about ya'll but I like the old time weddings verses today's weddings.  In the old days they use to have those little mints that were  green and pink and white that were real small and light colored plus peanuts with the skins still on them.  The punch was lime ice cream and 7-UP in glass cups.  The flowers were on the lapel of the men's suits (not formals) and corsages for the women were worn on their dress and there wasn't a unity candle plus the local preacher was the one who did the ceremony.  Yes, I know it was not as showy or as big a deal but it was a lot more fun, faster and less expensive.  But most of all what I looked forward to was the get away and what happened to the car of the bride and groom.

Now all of that brings me to one of my favorite weddings and I believe it was David and Jan Harris's wedding but it might have been Bob and Janet Harris's wedding.  By the way has anyone ever noticed the Harris family had a problem with remembering names and that is why all the girls in the family have names that start with Jan?  Well that might be a stretch but there are three of them:  Janice, Janet and Jan.

Back to the wedding.  Every wedding was fun because you got to decorate the car and in some cases make it as difficult as possible to get away.  Every wedding included shaving cream and shoe polish on the windows and possibly the door handles but my favorite was what I believe was David and Jan's when they thought they had tricked everyone and hid their get away car in Helen Conner's garage.  They stole away from the church and drove to Aunt Helen's to get their car while everyone followed.  It was a race but when they got to the house and opened the garage and jumped into the car to escape David tried to start the car to no avail.  Finally he got out to see what was going on and found a POTATO stuck in the muffler.  You may not know it but you cannot start a car if the exhaust system is stopped up.  That also explains why you can be real stupid by driving your car into the water and it chokes your car out so you stall and the car floats down stream.  Anyway David removed the potato and jumped back inside at which time my dad grabbed his handkerchief (everyone carried one back then in their hip pocket) and stuffed it in the tail pipe.  Again David jumped out to see what the problem was only to find the pipe stopped up again.  Then he finally gets the car started only to find when he puts it in gear his car tires just spin as they are not touching the ground.  You see some of his best friends had jacked it up and set it on blocks.  Everyone had a great laugh and all the guys got around the car and set it off the the blocks to which David took off for their honeymoon.  Great laughs and great fun is what I remember.

Now I will have to tell you one last piece to this pie and that is Jan became our English teacher when I was a freshman at Shidler.  This was a few years later but she was pregnant and we gave her a special name, PET.  She may not have known our name but it was Pregnant English Teacher, PET.  She was actually a pretty good teacher and good natured about it.  I think she liked that class as it was either all guys or mostly guys as I recall.

Jan was a pretty good fit for the family as she was a competitive barrel racer and liked horses and the country.  She was raised in the big city of Redrock, Oklahoma. She may never have known it but Eddy thought she was a pretty good sister-n-law as well but he did like to give her a hard time.  I heard one time, just for fun at her expense, Eddy gave her a seat belt to keep her on her horse.  I never had the guts to ask if that was true but it made a good story and sometimes that is more important than the truth.

What do you learn in the Osage?

• You can have as much or more fun on less money especially at weddings
• You can hide but you cannot escape without some help
• Wear your seat belt

Thanks for your time,

gary@thepioneerman.com