Now I have to tell you that my Dad, Clifford Olson, was a bit ornery. In fact for a while my nickname was Ornery while I lived in Chicago area. I guess some would say a nut does not fall too far from the tree. I hope I do not have to explain this metaphor. I could give you a definition for metaphor.
Metaphor - that is when a person has a blind date that did not last too long so you would say, "he met-er-fer a few minutes".
glad I got that off my chest.
Well, anyway, I had this show steer (meaning I had a steer which I was raising for a livestock show) that got out and ate some green alfalfa and got bloated. Let me explain. Bloated is like when you eat too many beans at one sitting and you get filled up with gas. The problem is that cattle don't handle gas too easily and can actually die from bloat. So here are a few solutions:
first one- take a long pocket knife and punch a hole into the side of the cow or steer and punch a hole into the stomach to allow the gas to escape. This solution is not too good and has potential other side effects. I am not going to explain.
Second method- take a water hose, yes water hose, and have one person hold the steers mouth open. I would also suggest having the steer tied to a post as it will run right over you and at about 1200 pounds you will lose. Anyway, the other person should take the water hose and stuff down the throat of the steer until you start to hear or smell the gas escaping and boy does it stink just like you can imagine. If Steve Chrisco or Pee Wee were still alive they could tell you how a fart smells like the gas from a steer. That comes from one of my older stories so go look for it.
OK, so here is where Dad comes into the picture. I was holding the steers head when dad stuffed the hose down the throat of the calf. It was everything I could do to keep that steer from killing me. Dad proceeded to take the end of the water hose not inside the steer and putting it under my arm so the gas would escape directly in my face. It was and dad was a stinker for that one. Another thing dad taught me that day is that gas from the steer is like gas for a heater, it burns. Dad always carried around a cigarette lighter as he smoked about two packs a day and lit the gas as it escaped the end of the hose. Dad just laughed as he was having a good time teaching me.
So what do you learn in the Osage?
Metaphor - that is when a person has a blind date that did not last too long so you would say, "he met-er-fer a few minutes".
glad I got that off my chest.
Well, anyway, I had this show steer (meaning I had a steer which I was raising for a livestock show) that got out and ate some green alfalfa and got bloated. Let me explain. Bloated is like when you eat too many beans at one sitting and you get filled up with gas. The problem is that cattle don't handle gas too easily and can actually die from bloat. So here are a few solutions:
first one- take a long pocket knife and punch a hole into the side of the cow or steer and punch a hole into the stomach to allow the gas to escape. This solution is not too good and has potential other side effects. I am not going to explain.
Second method- take a water hose, yes water hose, and have one person hold the steers mouth open. I would also suggest having the steer tied to a post as it will run right over you and at about 1200 pounds you will lose. Anyway, the other person should take the water hose and stuff down the throat of the steer until you start to hear or smell the gas escaping and boy does it stink just like you can imagine. If Steve Chrisco or Pee Wee were still alive they could tell you how a fart smells like the gas from a steer. That comes from one of my older stories so go look for it.
OK, so here is where Dad comes into the picture. I was holding the steers head when dad stuffed the hose down the throat of the calf. It was everything I could do to keep that steer from killing me. Dad proceeded to take the end of the water hose not inside the steer and putting it under my arm so the gas would escape directly in my face. It was and dad was a stinker for that one. Another thing dad taught me that day is that gas from the steer is like gas for a heater, it burns. Dad always carried around a cigarette lighter as he smoked about two packs a day and lit the gas as it escaped the end of the hose. Dad just laughed as he was having a good time teaching me.
So what do you learn in the Osage?
- A little fun is good when you work
- Fun at someone else's expense can be fun as well, just make sure no one gets hurt
- If the government had anything to do with it we would have had to fill out several forms and get a permit and the calf/steer would have died.
- Common sense is better than a brilliant bureaucrat
Thanks for listening,
gary@thepioneerman.com
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