Mom

Well July 19th, 2014 was my mom's 86th birthday.  She grew up in Grainola or at least the school district of Grainola.  If you turn West at the first road on the North side of Grainola and go one mile (memory is failing me) then take a right (north) on the gravel road and go to the top of the hill where Bob Jackson now lives you will find where Mom grew up as Opal Wanetta Lane.

Don Casselman told me she was the prettiest girl out of Grainola but to me she was Mom.  This weekend I just tried to get her to tell stories about growing up there.  Now I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but here is what she said.  She said, "the women did all the work back in those days and the men talked and sat around but that ended with Grandma Annie".  Based on what I saw that is the truth.  Mom and Dad were the hardest working folks I have ever known with one exception, Grandma Annie!  It did not matter if there was anything to do they were doing something that was productive.  I think Mom could create work.  In fact I think one of the reasons Dad worked so hard is Mom thought up more to do than Dad cold ever possibly get done.  If she was not cooking, ironing (mom ironed everything:  sheets, t-shirts, jeans, maybe even socks) with lots of Niagra Spray Starch, cleaning (mom loved a clean and orderly house) she was working on us to get our 4-H projects or school projects or teaching Debbie, Sally Joe Shumate, Janie Shumate, Susie Snyder how to sew, or she was canning for the winter.  If all of that was done we were killing chickens and putting up chicken to fry during the winter.  And if that were not enough she had us weeding the garden which was anywhere from 1/2 to over 2 acres each year.  The garden actually got smaller over the years but most of the time it was close to 2 acres.

Mom could multi-task like no other.  I think she could iron clothes, watch "the Edge of Night", bake cookies or pies and keep me in line all at the same time while keeping a conversation with anyone going at the same time.  Mom will not like this part but she had some funny lines that I always liked:

• I have forty eleven things to do.
• If she did not think it was worth her time she would say, "I don't have time for that shit"
• If you are going to do it you might as well do it right.
• Would you rather do ??????????? or go to college

Mom was a motivator and a great example.  She cared how she looked and she darn sure cared how we looked.  I think if I had ever come home with a tattoo or ear ring she would have ripped my head off.  In fact what she probably would have said is, "if you have money for that then you don't need to live hear" .  I preferred her cooking over those type of luxuries.  

Mom was never an enabler of bad behavior.  Punishment was swift and certain.  If I would smart mouth her or dad it was guaranteed you got a trip immediately to the back porch where the freezer and a flyswatter or paddle would be waiting for my bottom.  She did not ask questions and it was best I not offer any excuses.  I know I was stronger but I knew who had the power and who cooked the meals and provided shelter.  Mom had expectations and it was not a choice to live up to them if I wanted to live there.  Of course she never said any of that but I felt it.  I remember making a remark how Jon Tanny got to do certain things at church and Mom suggested that I could go live with them then.  At church I use to get anxious at how long Kearney Graham or any preacher for that matter would go and if I could not control myself I received a pinch on the arm or leg.  Now that was not an ordinary pinch but one that would last for a few days.  Today we would call it child abuse but I would enlighten you that we have a lot more problems with bad behavior because parents do not pinch so it hurts and lasts.

I guess what I am saying is I really did and do have a perfect Mom.  Sure she made mistakes but I have never met a mom I respect more, honor more or love more.  Now I guess I should let you know and I would never believe it but after 40 years I believe I married a perfect wife, kinda like Mom.

So what do you learn in the Osage?

• Count your blessings that your mom cared enough to punish you for bad behavior even when it was tough to do so 
• Love encourages guidance even when we don't want it
• Consequences - there are always consequences for bad behavior and good - 
• would you rather have gotten a spanking when you were young or go to jail when you become an adult

• Mom was never mean, she just loved us enough 
• One of the greatest gifts I have ever received besides coming to know Christ was great parents who grew up in the Osage as parents and gave me their legacy   

Thanks for your time,
gary@thepioneerman.com