Mom

Well July 19th, 2014 was my mom's 86th birthday.  She grew up in Grainola or at least the school district of Grainola.  If you turn West at the first road on the North side of Grainola and go one mile (memory is failing me) then take a right (north) on the gravel road and go to the top of the hill where Bob Jackson now lives you will find where Mom grew up as Opal Wanetta Lane.

Don Casselman told me she was the prettiest girl out of Grainola but to me she was Mom.  This weekend I just tried to get her to tell stories about growing up there.  Now I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but here is what she said.  She said, "the women did all the work back in those days and the men talked and sat around but that ended with Grandma Annie".  Based on what I saw that is the truth.  Mom and Dad were the hardest working folks I have ever known with one exception, Grandma Annie!  It did not matter if there was anything to do they were doing something that was productive.  I think Mom could create work.  In fact I think one of the reasons Dad worked so hard is Mom thought up more to do than Dad cold ever possibly get done.  If she was not cooking, ironing (mom ironed everything:  sheets, t-shirts, jeans, maybe even socks) with lots of Niagra Spray Starch, cleaning (mom loved a clean and orderly house) she was working on us to get our 4-H projects or school projects or teaching Debbie, Sally Joe Shumate, Janie Shumate, Susie Snyder how to sew, or she was canning for the winter.  If all of that was done we were killing chickens and putting up chicken to fry during the winter.  And if that were not enough she had us weeding the garden which was anywhere from 1/2 to over 2 acres each year.  The garden actually got smaller over the years but most of the time it was close to 2 acres.

Mom could multi-task like no other.  I think she could iron clothes, watch "the Edge of Night", bake cookies or pies and keep me in line all at the same time while keeping a conversation with anyone going at the same time.  Mom will not like this part but she had some funny lines that I always liked:

• I have forty eleven things to do.
• If she did not think it was worth her time she would say, "I don't have time for that shit"
• If you are going to do it you might as well do it right.
• Would you rather do ??????????? or go to college

Mom was a motivator and a great example.  She cared how she looked and she darn sure cared how we looked.  I think if I had ever come home with a tattoo or ear ring she would have ripped my head off.  In fact what she probably would have said is, "if you have money for that then you don't need to live hear" .  I preferred her cooking over those type of luxuries.  

Mom was never an enabler of bad behavior.  Punishment was swift and certain.  If I would smart mouth her or dad it was guaranteed you got a trip immediately to the back porch where the freezer and a flyswatter or paddle would be waiting for my bottom.  She did not ask questions and it was best I not offer any excuses.  I know I was stronger but I knew who had the power and who cooked the meals and provided shelter.  Mom had expectations and it was not a choice to live up to them if I wanted to live there.  Of course she never said any of that but I felt it.  I remember making a remark how Jon Tanny got to do certain things at church and Mom suggested that I could go live with them then.  At church I use to get anxious at how long Kearney Graham or any preacher for that matter would go and if I could not control myself I received a pinch on the arm or leg.  Now that was not an ordinary pinch but one that would last for a few days.  Today we would call it child abuse but I would enlighten you that we have a lot more problems with bad behavior because parents do not pinch so it hurts and lasts.

I guess what I am saying is I really did and do have a perfect Mom.  Sure she made mistakes but I have never met a mom I respect more, honor more or love more.  Now I guess I should let you know and I would never believe it but after 40 years I believe I married a perfect wife, kinda like Mom.

So what do you learn in the Osage?

• Count your blessings that your mom cared enough to punish you for bad behavior even when it was tough to do so 
• Love encourages guidance even when we don't want it
• Consequences - there are always consequences for bad behavior and good - 
• would you rather have gotten a spanking when you were young or go to jail when you become an adult

• Mom was never mean, she just loved us enough 
• One of the greatest gifts I have ever received besides coming to know Christ was great parents who grew up in the Osage as parents and gave me their legacy   

Thanks for your time,
gary@thepioneerman.com

What makes a good outlaw?

You probably think I am going to share with you about the Bad Lands or The One Armed Bandit/Johnny Payne (one of my classmates) but the answer is NOPE.  I am talking about the parents of the spouse which I commonly refer to as the Outlaws vs. Inlaws.  Fact is that reminds me of an old ????????
What is the definition of "Mixed Emotions"?  That is when your Mother-n-law drives over a cliff in your new Cadillac.

Well I have to say that I have been pretty lucky in that my Outlaws are pretty good or I should say "have been so far" because "it ain't over till it is over".  I knew I had a pretty good deal when I first met my mother-n-outlaw over 40 years ago.  My future wife / girlfriend and I went to El Reno and her mother was making chocolate chip cookies.  Now my mom made the best or maybe it was my sister, Debbie, but my mother-n-outlaw is right up there with them.  Now it was not the quality of her cookies that made the deal with her daughter seem like a good deal but the fact that she allowed me to test the cookie dough before it was cooked!  Yea!  My Mom would whack your hand for that.  It was not allowed to test the cookie dough or anything else in the kitchen.  Naomi (alias for mother-n-outlaw) even allowed me to snitch potato chips.

But my favorite story of the first time I met her was even better, at least for me.  She was preparing t-bone steaks and she wanted to know how I like my steaks.  Shouna told her I liked them medium to just past rare.  Naomi said in her sweet voice and her eyes and forehead wrinkled so as to say, you have got to be kidding, " why no one likes it like that".  And she was not asking a question but stating a fact.  It was one of those very sweet moments that make you know you have a keeper in an Outlaw.

Now I have to tell you about the father-n-outlaw.  I suppose he was a little disappointed in that he expected his daughter to bring home someone who could carry a tune more than on the car radio or at least could play a guitar or something.  Dale Davis never learned to read music but could play and sing any tune and any instrument and still does today at 87 years of age.  In fact he had surgery last year on his finger so he could play the guitar.  He had his finger made to permanently bend!

Every time I ever went to the house everyone was taken to the garage where there was a permanent band set up with piano, guitars and speakers.  I should probably tell you about that garage.  I don't think there was ever a car parked in it and it was huge.  Dale got to have a little space for tools and lawn mower but the rest was for Naomi.  She was and is the most thrifty person in the world.  I learned very quickly she was the "Garage Sale Queen".  For years we never had to buy much of nothing as she found everything at garage sales, clothes, tools, furniture, you name it - she found it.  Now I will have to say a few times I got a shirt that was a little too wild for me but she saved us thousands of dollars.  Shouna told me that growing up she had more clothes options than anyone and it was because of her mother and those garage sales.  The point is the garage and every ounce of space was utilized for Naomi's treasures.  I know I am having a little fun at her expense but she is by far the best blessing for a mother-n-outlaw you could ever have.

Even last night in the hospital after she had major surgery she discovered I had not eaten lunch and dinner and she started digging for food in her purse/bag while she was connected to all kinds of tubes and monitors.  That brings another point up about her.  After her surgery on Wednesday we named her "Iron Woman".  She woke up like nothing happened and started talking and has taken virtually NO pain medication and today is Friday.  She is tough.  I guess if you consider that Naomi is from Kiowa (down by MacAlester) and Dale is from Calvin (same) they must be pretty good country folks.

Well this is getting a little long and I do have lots more stories about the Outlaws which I will share.

So what do you learn in the Osage?

• If you want to find a good woman, talk to her mom first
• Second, talk to her dad
• If a girl can cook and looks good you might consider keeping her for the long haul

In December we will be married 40 years, 25 happy years.  Not bad 25 out of 40!  Just kidding.

Thanks for your time,

gary@thepioneerman.com

Off color but some things just never leave your memory

Remember the good old days when you could climb aboard the water tower at Shidler and sign your name or name your class and then there was some graffiti on the bridge where you would sign your name?  Well I was going around New York City the other day and some of these folks who do graffiti are really great artist!  In fact if they would take their talents and paint they would be a lot better off and probably would make some money.  But now I am going share with you some good old graffiti that I observed while growing up.

At the annual Osage County livestock show each March I would stay in the dorm above the livestock arena and it seemed that there was a lot of wisdom on the walls of the shower/bathrooms.  In particular I remember at the urinal:  Look Up, look up (until you were looking at the ceiling) and then it said, "look down you are peeing on your shoe".  I thought that was pretty good and still do.  Then there was the one in the toilet on the door, "please flush after use, Pawhuska needs drinking water".  How can you forget these tidbits of history and wisdom?

Then there is the oral graffiti which I contribute to Smitty's son (Grainola) who was in the third grade or maybe it was the first.  He first shared this on the school bus but later Mrs. Shumate shared it with me as he told it in class.  It was a poem, here goes and I warned you.

My name is Link

My shit stinks

My balls hang down 

Like log chain links

Now I know I should not have shared this tidbit but it still makes me laugh today. So if you are too offended then suck it up.  

Now you might not believe it but I am a conservative born again Christian that believes in the Resurrection of Christ and salvation through grace in spite of this story.  Growing up I had a lot of hangups about folks that took themselves too seriously and thought every person that took a drink or cursed a little did not love God.  But as I grew up what I realized is that all of us make mistakes and only the grace of God is important.  Not all that trivial stuff like not dancing, saying a bad word here or there or having a beer or the guy or girl that makes a mistake about sex or some other thing is important but ONLY your relationship with Christ makes a difference.  If any of this offends you or if you have a difference of opinion I make only ONE suggestion, read the Bible.  Don't take my word for it or any one's opinion because that does not matter.  It took me until I was 20 years old to really read the Bible and make a conscience decision about such matters.  I suggest you go for it.

How about you sharing some of those old graffiti's with me?

So what do you learn in the Osage?

• don't get your underwear in a wad 
• If someone tells you their opinion, check the facts before you take sides
• This is really going to surprise you, some democrats are right about some things and some republicans are right about some things and they are both wrong a lot of times.

Thanks for your time,

gary@thepioneerman.com