I find it pretty amazing how I learned about marriage in the Osage. I never even knew I was learning it and I certainly didn't know I was being taught about marriage.
Shouna and I have been married for over 38 years and I cannot say that I was perfect even though you might think so, just kidding. I am certain you cannot even say I was good at it. I learned a lot of things the hard way like offending my wife, saying stupid things, having wrong expectations, not communicating my schedule, not taking out the trash, not filling up her gas tank when I should, not picking up my clothes and putting them in the laundry, expecting her to take care of every little thing just for me, not being sensitive to her needs and desires, not communicating about money and the lack there of, not keeping her car washed, not keeping the garage clean because that was important to her, working too many hours too many times, not helping with the kids, not supporting her appropriately when the kids were acting up and the list goes on and on.
So what did I do right and what did I learn that was helpful when I got married?
Well my dad loved my mom more than he did himself. He always told me she was the prettiest girl he ever knew. When she wanted something he did everything he could to do it for her and sometimes even when she was not serious or at least when she knew it was impractical. For example, I remember when mom mentioned to dad she would like to have a new washing machine. It was not in the budget and we really could not afford it at the time but dad loved making mom happy. So he bought her a washing machine for her birthday or Christmas and I don't remember which. I remember she was not happy because it was not in our budget and mom stuck to the budget. Mom managed the money and she did not appreciate it when dad bought something significant without total agreement by both parties. I think I learned something here about communication. Hmmmmm?
Another thing I saw my dad do that I never knew I was learning was that if there was a problem, no matter who was at fault, confront it even if it was your fault or you were not sure. He never liked there to be anxiety or madness or frustration on someones part whether it was mom, one of us kids, or a neighbor or even a stranger. He believed conflict was not good to be harbored or internalized. It was never a Biblical discussion about "never go to sleep with anger between the two of you" it was just common sense to him.
I have been studying Genesis in a class called BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and we have been looking at a humble spirit and how it makes enemies respect you and to make peace. In fact it makes me wonder how anyone expects there to be peace when you drop bombs on them. Now that could mean war like in Iraq or Afghanistan or the home, yes the home! If you yell and belittle someone, embarrass , harass them, hold a grudge against them, be judgmental of them even if they are judging you then you are not being a humble spirited person like Isaac and/or Abraham in Genesis. I would suggest applying some of their behavior on your / my marriage. You just cannot win a person's heart or peace with someone by throwing things at them or worst of all NOT TALKING TO THEM, shutting them out.
WOW! I am amazed at what I learned by watching my parents.
To put it in a nutshell here is what I learned about marriage in the Osage?
Shouna and I have been married for over 38 years and I cannot say that I was perfect even though you might think so, just kidding. I am certain you cannot even say I was good at it. I learned a lot of things the hard way like offending my wife, saying stupid things, having wrong expectations, not communicating my schedule, not taking out the trash, not filling up her gas tank when I should, not picking up my clothes and putting them in the laundry, expecting her to take care of every little thing just for me, not being sensitive to her needs and desires, not communicating about money and the lack there of, not keeping her car washed, not keeping the garage clean because that was important to her, working too many hours too many times, not helping with the kids, not supporting her appropriately when the kids were acting up and the list goes on and on.
So what did I do right and what did I learn that was helpful when I got married?
Well my dad loved my mom more than he did himself. He always told me she was the prettiest girl he ever knew. When she wanted something he did everything he could to do it for her and sometimes even when she was not serious or at least when she knew it was impractical. For example, I remember when mom mentioned to dad she would like to have a new washing machine. It was not in the budget and we really could not afford it at the time but dad loved making mom happy. So he bought her a washing machine for her birthday or Christmas and I don't remember which. I remember she was not happy because it was not in our budget and mom stuck to the budget. Mom managed the money and she did not appreciate it when dad bought something significant without total agreement by both parties. I think I learned something here about communication. Hmmmmm?
Another thing I saw my dad do that I never knew I was learning was that if there was a problem, no matter who was at fault, confront it even if it was your fault or you were not sure. He never liked there to be anxiety or madness or frustration on someones part whether it was mom, one of us kids, or a neighbor or even a stranger. He believed conflict was not good to be harbored or internalized. It was never a Biblical discussion about "never go to sleep with anger between the two of you" it was just common sense to him.
I have been studying Genesis in a class called BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and we have been looking at a humble spirit and how it makes enemies respect you and to make peace. In fact it makes me wonder how anyone expects there to be peace when you drop bombs on them. Now that could mean war like in Iraq or Afghanistan or the home, yes the home! If you yell and belittle someone, embarrass , harass them, hold a grudge against them, be judgmental of them even if they are judging you then you are not being a humble spirited person like Isaac and/or Abraham in Genesis. I would suggest applying some of their behavior on your / my marriage. You just cannot win a person's heart or peace with someone by throwing things at them or worst of all NOT TALKING TO THEM, shutting them out.
WOW! I am amazed at what I learned by watching my parents.
To put it in a nutshell here is what I learned about marriage in the Osage?
- Pay attention to your wife
- Don't over react to things she says or does
- Don't go to sleep with Anger on your heart
- Be the first to bring peace and do it with a humble heart
- Don't bring up the past and most of all don't say, " Mom or Dad did it this way" -- that is real stupid
Thanks for your time,
gary@thepioneerman.com
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