Success is a journey NOT a destination

Success is a journey NOT a destination is a statement that I thought was my own for many years.  But I have to tell you as a person who likes to read there are many folks who not only have made this statement but believe it as well.  One of those is our own Jim Whitt who is a writer and personal motivator as well as change agent for companies.  With all that said now I am going to move forward as if that statement, "Success is a journey NOT a destination" was uniquely mine and I will take full credit for the wisdom it gives.  Just kidding so don't get your underwear in a wad!

Growing up on a farm and a small town allowed me the pleasure of lying in the grass outside our house at night looking up at the stars dreaming about what was going on out there.  I always wondered how the milky way (not the candy bar) was formed and how they decided which stars were planets and which ones were most like earth and that there were other galaxies and so on and so on.  I was amazed and at the right age to witness the first landing on the moon and the first photos up close of Mars but most of all this star gazing allowed me to do what Americans do best, "dream the impossible dream".  I say impossible only because it was in the the song because I never believed in the impossible.   In fact it seemed like everyone around us only spoke in positive terms like these"

• what if?
• what do you want to be?
• what kind of job do you want?
• where do you want to travel?
• where do you want to live?

Life was never full of what you could not do, at least from a moral compass perspective.  I remember Sally Shumate, now Stinchcomb, and I would talk about becoming millionaires.  We did not talk about "if" we talked about "how" and "when" and there was never a doubt we would get there.

What is amazing to me today is that a very large number of folks have a net worth of over $1 million. If you don't believe me and you are over 50 take theses simple steps:

• take the equity (net positive value) in your land and house
• add your retirement accounts including IRA, 401k etc.
• add the value of your other assets like farm equipment, livestock, second homes etc.
• This one might be a challenge but if you know you are going to have $1500 per month in social security think of how much money you would need to have saved to get that much income.  For example if you thought you could earn 6% on your money you would need $300,000 in the investment to earn $18,000 per year or $1,500 per month.
• add any savings or other investments you have 

Add all these things together and I bet you have more than you thought.  Now some folks can add in the value of certain life insurance policies into this mix but for the most part folks have term insurance and it only has value after you die.  That sounds like a bad option.  In fact if you would like to keep the cost of insurance in your pocket for a savings account you should call me.  OK, back to the story.  

My point in all of this is not where i am winding up.  That really sucks, bad English.  My point is what we think about and what we do determines our successes, not what others think about us.  If you want to drive a truck then be the best truck driver in America or if you want to be a ditch digger then be the best ditch digger.  It is a whole lot more fun to pursue being the best at what you do than being as my dad would say, "half assed".  

You can be critical of my writing but don't bother telling me "cuz it don't bother me".  I just like to talk to you and tell you what I think and it makes me feel pretty good that I am relaying stories to my kids and the folks I love which include the folks from the Osage.  Man! this is fun.

I am ENJOYING the Journey.  Oh my!  I think I got back on the point of the story.

Thanks for spending time with me,

gary@thepioneerman.com

What do you learn about marriage in the Osage?

I find it pretty amazing how I learned about marriage in the Osage.  I never even knew I was learning it and I certainly didn't know I was being taught about marriage.

Shouna and I have been married for over 38 years and I cannot say that I was perfect even though you might think so, just kidding.  I am certain you cannot even say I was good at it.  I learned a lot of things the hard way like offending my wife, saying stupid things, having wrong expectations, not communicating my schedule, not taking out the trash, not filling up her gas tank when I should, not picking up my clothes and putting them in the laundry, expecting her to take care of every little thing just for me, not being sensitive to her needs and desires, not communicating about money and the lack there of, not keeping her car washed, not keeping the garage clean because that was important to her, working too many hours too many times, not helping with the kids, not supporting her appropriately  when the kids were acting up and the list goes on and on.

So what did I do right and what did I learn that was helpful when I got married?

Well my dad loved my mom more than he did himself.  He always told me she was the prettiest girl he ever knew.  When she wanted something he did everything he could to do it for her and sometimes even when she was not serious or at least when she knew it was impractical.  For example, I remember when mom mentioned to dad she would like to have a new washing machine.  It was not in the budget and we really could not afford it at the time but dad loved making mom happy.  So he bought her a washing machine for her birthday or Christmas and I don't remember which.  I remember she was not happy because it was not in our budget and mom stuck to the budget.  Mom managed the money and she did not appreciate it when dad bought something significant without total agreement by both parties.  I think I learned something here about communication. Hmmmmm?

Another thing I saw my dad do that I never knew I was learning was that if there was a problem, no matter who was at fault, confront it even if it was your fault or you were not sure.  He never liked there to be anxiety or madness or frustration on someones part whether it was mom, one of us kids, or a neighbor or even a stranger.  He believed conflict was not good to be harbored or internalized.  It was never a Biblical discussion about "never go to sleep with anger between the two of you" it was just common sense to him.

I have been studying Genesis in a class called BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and we have been looking at a humble spirit and how it makes enemies respect you and to make peace.  In fact it makes me wonder how anyone expects there to be peace when you drop bombs on them.  Now that could mean war like in Iraq or Afghanistan or the home, yes the home!  If you yell and belittle someone, embarrass , harass them, hold a grudge against them, be judgmental of them even if they are judging you then you are not being a humble spirited person like Isaac and/or Abraham in Genesis.  I would suggest applying some of their behavior on your / my marriage.  You just cannot win a person's heart or peace with someone by throwing things at them or worst of all NOT TALKING TO THEM, shutting them out.

WOW!  I am amazed at what I learned by watching my parents.

To put it in a nutshell here is what I learned about marriage in the Osage?

• Pay attention to your wife
• Don't over react to things she says or does
• Don't go to sleep with Anger on your heart
• Be the first to bring peace and do it with a humble heart
• Don't bring up the past and most of all don't say, " Mom or Dad did it this way" -- that is real stupid

Thanks for your time,

gary@thepioneerman.com

What calls you to action?

There are three kinds of folks:

• those that make things happen
• those that watch what happens
• and those who wonder what happened

Here are three stories that motivated me and called me to action.

Growing up in Grainola my dad got a lot of calls to help folks but as I turned about 12 I remember helping my dad do some work for Mr. Fulsom.  After that day Mr. Fulsom would just call me and ask me to come and fix what ever he needed.  I also remember that the Shumates and Snyders as in Beth Shumate (Sally and Janie's mom) and Gladys Snyder (Bill and Susie's mom) when they had problems with their sewer Dad volunteered me to go fix it.  I am telling you that is one nasty job.  Sometimes I would have to get a tank and pump and remove all the waste from the sewer tanks and other times I would have to dig up the old clay pipes and repair them.  The pipe repair was the worst.  I remember after each time Mom would ask me, "are you going to be a honey dipper or go to college?".  I would always tell her I was going to college.  I should explain a honey dipper was a person who repaired sewers.  I believe this is how my Mom motivated me to take action and prepare for college.

The second thing that was a big motivator to me was when I had to dig a ditch about 60 feet long across a gravel road.  It was heavily packed and had a lot of hard rock to bust with a sledge hammer and pick ax.  It was during the summer and very hot at the time.  Mom would deliver tea to me often and ask me, "are you going to college or be a ditch digger?".  She would walk away with a smile and light hearted laugh knowing she was again calling me to action.  

The last story is about an older couple who called and asked to talk to me.  They shared the fact that their only son was about 50 years old and they were in their 80's and that they were concerned about who and how their son would be taken care of when they were gone.  You see their son was disabled and would need someone to watch over him and his finances if they were gone.  Then they also shared that they both had cancer.  I have to tell you my heart and my eyes swelled as I could not imagine the pressure on those parents even though I have a son who is also disabled with down syndrome. 

It is stories like this that brought a few couples in Edmond, Oklahoma to start a 501(c)3 named Wings (www.wingsok.org) to help families with disabled children.  The mission became much larger and today it is housed north of Memorial Road on Boulevard in Edmond to facilitate a higher quality of life where these folks can thrive and have meaningful work plus ultimately provide housing in a safe environment.  The stories we heard by so many families drove us to action.

So what do you learn in the Osage?

• Don't be satisfied by doing less than your full potential
• Use those call to action moments in your life to motivate you to do more
• Helping others is more rewarding to your own soul than it is to others

Thanks for your time,

gary@thepioneerman.com

First Love and The Edge of Night

I guess I was always a romantic and now that it is Valentine's Day I figure I  should write about the subject.  I think the real reason I am a romatntic is that Mom always watched the Edge of Night while she ironed and she ironed everything.  As a side note she ironed the sheets and my t-shirts and what seemed like everything.  My shirts were heavy with starch and my blue jeans had creases down the front so that after several washing there was a white line where the crease was.  Actually I really like my clothes heavy starched today.  Some things never change.  If you don't know what The Edge of Night was I should explain.  It was a soap opera that went on for years and years.  In fact you could miss about a year worth of shows and then turn the TV on as if you never missed a show.  Soaps were really big and Mom seemed to love that one.  Anyway I never understood it but when you are a toddler and the government is not forcing all the kids into preschool and kindergarten and mothers day out programs and / or day care centers a kid watches what Mom watches or finds something to do outside.  Well I think I was inside the house too much as I became a romantic and I am blaming it on The Edge of Night.

That brings me to my first love, Redina Oeastman.  She was about 2 or 3 years older than me and I thought she was the prettiest thing  ever.  She was nice to me and Valentines was all about  telling someone you cared.  So, I was in Ark City (Arkansas City, KS) at the Ben Freanklin store and I bought her a box of chocolates.  We had lockers where we stored our books and coats and we never needed locks because folks did not steel from each other and that is where I put the box of candy and a note telling Redina how special she was.  I could not wait for her to find the treasure.  Again she was grateful and very nice to me even though I was younger.

Thinking back over the experience it reminds me that how we react to folks makes a big difference.   She made me feel special because she accepted my gift in spite of it being a somewhat silly act by a younger person.  Our reactions can enhance a child's confidence or hurt them for a long time.  One of the old sayings was "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me".  I think that was the biggest lie ever.  Words are far more destructive than a fist fight or a few bruises.  The rejection by someone you look up to is about the most painful thing I can think of for any human.

Well today I called my mom, texted my sister, gave a card and small gift (a book) to my wife and took a few minutes to remember those who made a difference in my life.  Thanks to Redina I did not experience the rejection I probably deserved for being a naive little 9 year old boy who was star struck by a pretty little girl.

So what do you learn in the Osage?

• A little kindness can make a big difference
• Be a humble and kind receiver as well as a giver, it can make an impact
• If you have something to say be careful with your words

Thanks for your time and Happy Valentines Day,

gary@thepioneerman.com

Tobacco / cigarettes / Garret Sweat Snuff / Copenhagen / Cigars

  

These items all gave me challenges growing up and I just never could get the hang of it but a few times I got a little comic relief from them.

Dad smoked cigarettes every day since a young man as it was culturally the thing to do.  Even in WWII they gave each soldier cigarettes to help them relax and enjoy a minute or two of calmness.  Mom smoked too until about 1961 when the science proved smoking was bad for your health.  She chose and I emphasize CHOSE to stop that day.  No longer were there cigarettes lying in the ash trays with red lipstick on them.  For you younger folks, ash trays are little glass trays with dips on the edges so you can balance a cigarette in them while doing something else and the tray captures the ashes so they don’t get all over the place.   I know this will tick folks off but if a person chooses to smoke or drink then they are responsible for their actions, not the companies that supply them.  I am personally amazed that we have an expectation that companies are 100% liable.  We expect doctors to 100% perfect.  Are you perfect?  Is that even reasonable?  OK back to the story.  One more thing.  If we hold all the beer companies liable for beer and the convenience stores and the grocery stores and the people that work there plus all the restaurants and pubs then we will put them out of business and there won’t be any taxes paid to support the folks living off the government.  That is the definition of mixed emotions.  Now, back to the story. 

I tried cigarettes many times and I have to say even my wife tried them once when she was a kid.  Her story is better than mine because she tried them at church.  She was disgusted and put it out.  I thought surely I would like them at some point but just found them to be discusting and expensive.  Then I tried cigars which made me green and I started throwing up chunks.  Bad experience and that was at work where I wanted to be one of the boys.  Dipping snuff, Copenhagen, seemed like a good idea and I tried it on the way home from a track meet at Newkirk.  I barely made it home when chunks started flowing from my mouth right as I got off the bus.  WOW, nothing worked for me.   But here is my favorite story of my efforts and it is about chewing tobacco.

Bill Adams was the president of the company I worked for in Oklahoma City and he married way over his head when he got Barbara.  I would also have to say Bill was one of the greatest mentors I ever had and he was a delight to work for but his wife is what made him sooooo good.  Trust me.  Barbra was the ultimate hostess and she was having a party at her house for the key folks at the company, not that I was key but they had to invite me.  Anyway, in those days country and western dancing and two stepping was peaking so the theme of her party was western.  Knowing that Bill and Barbra were classy folks I decided to have a little fun at their expense and everyone else for that matter.   So on the way to the party I stopped and purchased a pack of RED Man Chewing Tobacco and placed it in my rear pocket.  Now you may not know it but when you are a country boy that pack once open folds over and you stick it in your pocket sideways so it stays exposed and in your pocket.  It is kind of like a badge of courage or like having a circle in your pocket from Copenhagen or Skool wearing a mark in your jeans.  Now if you are an original those are called Levis or Wranglers.  Anyway when I showed up I had a coke bottle for spitting in to keep from spitting on your nice floors.  If you don’t know it you take a pretty good pinch of the tobacco in your fingers and stuff it between your jaw and skin so that there looks to be a large ball in your mouth pushing out the skin on your cheek.  Now that you are visualizing this situation I have to tell you “the rest of the story”. 

As I walked around the house party Mike Major and I think even Bill took a little pinch and started chewing.  Ernie Upton was there and I think he also starting chewing and spitting in a bottle.  It got pretty funny as the women were grossed out and getting on me for starting this mess.  Well about that time I had the ladies attention and I told them that chewing was good for your stomach and what ails you if you swallow it.  So I pushed the wad out of my cheek and swallowed it.  They were squealing and Shouna was laughing herself silly.  Why?  Because I never chewed any tobacco, remember it makes me sick.  Did I mention that I also purchased a box of raisins and was actually chewing on them?  After I had everyone faked out I revealed my secret.  Only Shouna knew what I was doing.  It was a treat for me and a story for my children.  Have I ever mentioned that my children are a little, maybe a lot, ornery?

So what does this have to do with the Osage?  What do you learn in the Osage?

• ·         Your assumptions might be wrong, so get the facts, ask some questions
• ·         Sometimes it is fun to spit on someone’s parade ( a little gross)
• ·         Everyone would rather laugh as long as no one is hurt by your fun
• ·         Your choices are important

Thanks for your time,

Gary@thepioneerman.com

Ruts in the Road

Ruts in the Road

First off I better tell you that this story was inspired by Jim Whitt (old Shidler boy even though he moved to enemy territory – Tonkawa).  Jim wrote a book “Riding for the Brand” which I thoroughly recommend to any person including business folks in particular.  In fact if you are a person trying to figure out what you are doing and why you are doing it and especially if you are a farmer and rancher in the Osage you ought to read this book.  It is a must read and inspiring.  In fact it gets me all jacked up about bringing business to the Osage and in particular the Shidler area.  I know we can do it if we can get a team of folks with the same passion and dedication to making it happen. 

OK, back to my story.

Growing up one mile north and 3 west of Grainola on dirt and gravel roads had its challenges but what I never considered was what I learned from riding those roads.  Let me give you several examples.

Ruts, ruts were the places the tires dug into the road as you drove after a fresh rain.  The more you drove on them the deeper the ruts became.  As a kid driving since I was about 9 years old I learned pretty quick that if you stayed in the ruts you did not get stuck and the ruts basically guided your truck down the road, even a 9 year old could do that.  The challenge was a car might high center if the ruts got too deep.  That means the car got stuck because the dirt and gravel in the middle between the ruts was so high the tires could not get traction.  What you learned from that was pick up speed to carry you through those ruts else if you slowed down you were stuck.  The second problem is what happens when along come a vehicle from the other direction.  Did I mention ALL vehicles were Fords or Chevys except Clyde Jackson who drove Dodge vehicles?  So when you see a truck coming from the other direction you have to make some strategic decisions else you wind up in the ditch.  What you learned to do was slow down and put the left tires in the rut and everyone knows the oncoming truck has a southern courtesy to do the same in his lane.  Most roads were basically one lane so there was always a give and take even if it was dry and no ruts.   The great thing was after the roads dried up Cack Harrington (Harvey’s dad) would come along and grade the roads back to smooth.  That is another story in itself which I will do later.

Now what I like about these ruts is a person learns a lot about life from them so here goes. 

What do you learn in the Osage?

• ·         Ruts are like guidelines or rules and you ought to follow them else you get in a ditch.  HMMM?  Sounds like a pretty smart thing.
• ·         Ruts are like a grave with the ends shut.  Let me explain.  If you get in a rut in life (read the book) you are just getting ready for the ends to get closed up.  Make a difference!  Do something, even if it is wrong (but within the law).  That comes direct from Clifford Olson’s mouth
• ·         Common courtesy and common sense are learned by navigating the ruts in life.
• ·         Ruts are neither good or bad but it is what you do with them that makes a difference

Thanks for your time,

Gary@thepioneerman.com

Mr. Lambert walked on water

Sometimes a teacher comes along who is a real motivator and still a lot of fun.  I never thought I would really like to speak German but Mr. Lambert made it fun.  Almost everyday we sang a song in German.  In fact my wife and children laugh at me as I still sing a couple of those songs on occasion today, 41 years later.  One of the memorable events was Mr. Lambert taking us over to the music building where he played the saxophone for us.  His creative use of other media made learning interesting and less laborious.  For me the most memorable event was he promised he could walk on water and of course the only person to ever do that was Jesus.  Of course there was the exception of Peter who took Jesus's hand then was able to walk with Jesus on water.   You know there might be a learning lesson there about trusting in Jesus, HMMMMMM?

Well let me explain what happened.  Mr. Lambert brought several of us over to his house to prove he really could walk on water.  I saw it!  Incredible!  He had filled the bathtub with water and then proceeded to show us how he accomplished the task.  I bet you are wondering, like me, how he provided this illusion.  Mr. Lambert had built a Plexiglas box that was invisible in the water.  Being a master of deception he stepped in the water with a significant amount of animation as he carefully placed his first foot down on the water to only sink about an inch.  Then he boosted his weight and shifted such that he was able to get both feet on the water and stand erect then he took a few steps forward to show he could walk on water.  Obviously he shared his secret with us but it was pretty dog gone good.  Do I need to explain "dog gone good"?  That means very impressive.

You know there was an awful lot to learn from Mr. Lambert besides German, so here goes on "what do you learn in the Osage?".

• There are tricksters in life and there are real miracles - Each of us has to figure that out in life and put our trust where trust is deserved.
• Creative and enjoyable teaching techniques make learning fun and motivating and I can think of a lot of teachers, particularly in college, who needed more personality and less high thinking of themselves
• Holding folk's attention is easier when you make learning interesting and I truly believe that those ADD and ADHD kids are some of the best potential students a teacher can have only if the teacher decides they are an asset rather than a liability to learning.  I am not so sure Mr. Lambert wasn't one of us (ADDers or ADHDers).
• Pre-judging folks because of a disability is your disability not theirs.  Albert Einstein failed grade school math and was thought to be mentally slow when I bet you he was either autistic or ADD or ADHD but he overcame the prejudices of NORMAL folks.

I am so very grateful for Shidler and Grainola teachers who saw past my disabilities and encouraged me and motivated me.

gary@thepioneerman.com