Life's journey -- what is it like to raise a child like Preston

It seems that when you raise a child like Preston with Down Syndrome everything (a little too strong of a comment) gets amplified whether good or bad.  You know how it is when you spoil a child or just do not stick to your guns when you punish them and then later you regret it because you have become an in-abler.  Another aspect is when there is a person with special needs you and almost all people do not expect the same behavior as they would from a normal child.  Don't be fooled.  Boy I would like to know what a normal child is!  They are all different and NORMAL is just some term an idiot thought up that did not have children.  Anyway, back to the story.  Let me give you a few examples, some funny and some not so funny, depending on how you view things and who is watching.

Let's say your NORMAL child is at McDonald's and sees a very large girl at the counter who happens to be black and he or she says, "BIG, BLACK GIRL!!!".  Now that normal child just stepped across the lines of common sense and you feel like killing the child before they are old enough to get in real trouble.  The person behind the counter glares at you and there is an elephant in the room that just will not go away.  You probably slapped the kid prior to 1970 but now you just yell at them after you step outside and if you are a decent parent you told them to apologize immediately and they knew there was not and end to the discussion.  If you did not have that feeling of anger and embarrassment then you are probably a person who should not have children in the first place.  OH ya, Preston said those words to the girl and she just smiled while I said, "sorry" and then got my order and sat down ASAP.  The girl and Preston became friends and he hugged her and she loved him.  You tell me how to punish a child that says something like that which was all facts and then the receiving person just loves them back.  I tell you all I knew to do was SUCK IT UP and go on with a little bit more humility in my soul.

Or how about when you are in the airport and he stops folks you have never seen in your life and he says, "have you met my parents?  Here is Shouna and Gary".  I cannot tell you how many times this occurred and each time I gain a little more humility.  But the reward for his behavior is never ending either.  Like the time AJ had Preston, Chase and I up to his suite at OSU for a football game and AJ said, "Preston can come back and be a host for me anytime".  That was a reward for me as a parent and really made me proud of his ability to meet and greet everybody including those in the hallways.  For Preston, if there were 50,000 folks at the game it was an opportunity for him to meet all 50,000.  He loves people.

At church everyone seems to know who he is long before they know who we are.  He always wares a hat and typically a black felt hat.  Now thanks to Rocky Arrington (yes, from Shidler) Preston has about 4 or 6 new hats of different colors and material.  When we do meet people and they ask if we have children they already know him and did not know his parents.  We do have two other children but Preston is famous.  In fact I have said many times that if I ever run for office I am going to change my name to Preston's Dad.

Now just so you won't think all is so good let me tell you the Holy Shit story.  We were at a funeral of a close friend who was always late to everything and at the funeral she/the body arrived late in honor of her reputation.  As you can imagine people told stories how she was always late.  She worked closely with special Olympics and Preston's swim team.  During the funeral many folks told funny stories about her but like all funny stories at funerals people laugh then get real quiet.  It was during that quiet time with about 800 folks in attendance Preston yells out "Holy Shit".  We tried to strangle him (not really) but we did cover his mouth immediately and speak sternly into his ear only to wait a few more minutes before another pause in laughter and he yelled, "Holy Shit" again. 

So what does all this teach a person or should we say, "what do you learn in the Osage?".

• humility can be taught at any age and to parents
• Love overcomes most everything, even at McDonald's
• Blessings come from a child with an extra chromosome

Thanks for listening,

gary@thepioneerman.com

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Let's do something even if it is wrong!

I think "Let's do something even if it is wrong" was one of my Dad's favorite sayings.  He especially used it when he saw me sitting too long as defined by his patience.  Or I should say, his lack of patience.  Luckily Dad never prayed for patience and I am positive this is true because he never had any for himself or anyone else.  He never understood why something was being done if there was time for TV or as he called it "horsing around" which means doing nothing profitable in his eyes. 

I am glad he was that way as it taught me the value and enjoyment in getting things done.  In fact I cannot see how anyone can have a good self image when things just never get done.  Dad was one of those old timers who believed that any weed around the barns tool sheds or even the junk pile needed to be gotten rid of.  Maybe I should explain what a junk pile really was in those days.  It was NOT a place for trash but a place for parts and old steel and used wire, particularly barbed wire.  These were things that were useful when you lived 45 to 55 miles from a farm store where you could get parts plus it was cheaper and saved time when you could go to the junk yard and get a part.  In those days you really could fix things with a little wire and hard work.  back to doing something even if it is wrong. 

Dad has a wonderful disposition in that he could say something and laugh or smile like a possum eating s___.  That is another of Dad's favorite sayings.  Anyway, he was an ornery person and just getting me or someone off their butt and doing something productive was fun for him.  He could invent work.  If there was nothing else to do we would sweep dirt in the barns with dirt floors just so they would look neat.  We had a mile long drive way and we would weed-eat both sides of the road up to Eddie's house (remember Eddy Harris, my cousin).  Now do not get confused on this by assuming we used a gas powered weed-eater.  OH NO, we used what was called an idiot stick which had a one foot long blade that was horizontal to the ground with sharp side on the front and back so that when you swung it forward you were cutting weeds and when you were swinging backwards you were cutting weeds.  I should also correct your thinking in that it was not just weeds but anything that grew including grass that did not look NEAT. 

What did I learn in the Osage?

• Neatness was a good virtue
• Hard work was good for the soul
• Doing something was good for my self image
• Spending time with Dad was more valuable than whatever we were doing

Those are sweet and sweat days, get it, but I sure loved being with my Dad and doing something EVEN IF IT WAS WRONG. 

Thanks for listening,
gary@thepioneerman.com